Olympic Highlights

Watching olympics is more fun when drinking with family than when not.

Regarding the American gymnastics team:
"All big legs and no tits."
"Oh wait, that one has tits."
"They're sewn in as part of her uniform."

Regarding the diminutive Chinese gymnast:
"She looks like she's 4 years old."
"No. She's just small, she's actually 30."
The next Chinese gymnast appears and on the heals of joking about the Michelle/Jodi/Marv's Karen tradition of having kids as a pre-teen (during which Marv called them "sluts"),
"Here's her granddaughter."

In the swimming event a graphic appears over each swimmer's lane with their flag and name. The graphic disappears as the swimmers launch in to the pool.
"How do they pull back that tarp so quick?"

Then an ad ran for a show called "Stump the Schwab" featuring regular think-they-know-it-all sports buffs who go against a guy with an eerily encyclopedic knowledge of all things sports.
Uncle Mark: "I think I'd rather schwab the stump!"

I now pronounce you man and wife

Every now and then some lazy genius gets sick of doing two separate things at two separate times and marries two pieces of technology. We all remember the guy who got sick of having to lift his arm to check his watch while writing and so stuck a clock in his pen. Or the guy who got sick of having to put down his beer to high five his buddies and so taped them to his head with straws. The other night I downloaded the last season of Sex And The City, converted it to 3g2 portable video format, dragged all the episodes onto my SDmicro card (which acts like a flash drive when connected to the computer) and put the card in my phone. Now Lindsey can watch the last season of SATC at work on my mini TV so she can get caught up and we can finally watch the movie.

Soup-de-mois

In July I may have set an unprovable and unmatchable record of eating hot & sour soup for lunch for 16 business days in a row. I wonder if the Chinese even do that.

Evolutionary leftovers

Vestigial organs are leftovers from a previous era and represent functions that were once necessary for survival. Over time, those functions become nonexistent and the organs atrophy. Sometimes, to prevent complications, these anatomical relics must be removed. Which is why, at some point, every city should go under the knife and have its crosswalk buttons and elevator ashtrays cut out.

Tela Rutilus

Well it’s been said by many people that Saskatoon, with a population of 2.06 X 10⁵, is the biggest small town in the world. The citizens here form a familiar, tightly woven, plasmatic network. Where have we seen it before? That’s right, say it with me – in the sun’s core. The attraction to this place causes these friendly hydrogen and helium folks to group, split apart, interact and shine, which actually is the attraction.

When Brain arrived in town for her week here she hadn’t even left the airport before Joe happened to pull the bus over and say hello. After splitting off that night, many atoms grouped together to shine the following night at the celebration. Last week my temporary officemate turned around and, after having contemplated my last name, told me he was married to Mary Jane’s sister and already knew that Michael was coming to town. Different atoms will group together and shine for the mini-reunion next week.