Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Ladies and Gentlemen, Vinz Clortho


Vinz here is the faithful servant of Gozer, a moldy Sumerian god whose destructive will on Earth is carried out by a victim-chosen incarnation called the Traveller. Vinz, who was present during the previous two times the traveler visited, loves to tell you about them at any given chance. The first, of course, was during the rectification of the Vuldronaii. That time he came as a very large and moving torb. I bet you the Vuldronaii picked a torb because it was probably something small, harmless and immobile, like a root vegetable. Not that day! Then the second time was during the third and what would be the final reconciliation of the Meketrex supplicants. He turned up as a giant sloar!!! Gozer obviously had some sort of beef with Meketrex and, having given his own wayward worshippers two previous chances to reconcile, vengefully roasted all the Meketrex-loving Shubs and Zuuls in the pit of the Sloar.

I don’t think Gozer was a very merciful god. Every time he slipped in the polls a little it was crush this and slaughter that. Then he seemingly disappeared from history. He might even have happily spent the rest of eternity in the nearest parallel dimension if it weren’t for that one nutcase that played to his vanity and reminded him what it was like to be worshipped again 8000 years later. Of course I’m talking about the influential and certifiable Ivo Shandor. Here’s a guy who, after seeing the bloodshed of WWI, figured society was too sick and no one deserved to live. I guess if you’re going to pick a figurehead for your new society that’s based on death and descturction, what better choice than Gozer? So Shandor built what can be described as a lightning rod (in the form of 55 Central Park West, whose ironwork extends through 50 feet of bedrock and touches the water table) for the purpose of drawing in cross-dimensional paranormal turbulence in hopes of attracting Gozer. Then he litters the spiritual landscape with the malignant spirits of those he sacrificed through bizarre yet purposeful rituals on its rooftop. Shandor, as it turns out, was quite the visionary, his legacy nearly came to fruition some 60 years after his death with the third coming of the Traveller. That’s when we met...

This dude!

12 comments:

Lindsey said...

what the....

Kate and/or Mike said...

Gozer-lover.

Anonymous said...

I'm not going to read your blog anymore if that's the way you're going to be.
Mom

M said...

Is this an excerpt from Tobin's Spirit Guide?

Christian said...

I couldn't resist, ma.

Brain, I think I'll submit it to the Spates Catalog or the Roylance Guide.

Kate said...

I was already afraid of ET and the Michelan Man when I saw this movie. NOT entertaining.

Christian said...

You were just afraid of things with torso wrinkles. Were you scared of Yoda and pugs too?

Kate said...

Um, that would be a yes.

Anonymous said...

That's Vinz Clortho, not Volguus Zildrohar. Volguus Zildrohar is another name for Gozer.

Christian said...

Could go either way, but very astute. Here are the two instances of his name being mentioned in the script:

1. Louis walks out of the park, walking stiffly with a glazed look in his eyes. He sees a horse and carriage parked at the curb. He goes right up to the horse and speaks to it, obviously possessed by the Terror Dog.

LOUIS (to the horse)
I am Vinz Clortho. Keymaster of Gozer, Volguus Zildrohar, Lord of the Sebouillia. Are you the Gatekeeper?

2.The Ghostbusters stand there facing their new God like Moses on Mount Sinai. And then Gozer speaks to them in a voice that can be heard throughout Metropolitan New York and parts of New Jersey.

GOZER
SUBCREATURES! GOZER THE GOZERIAN, GOZER THE DESTRUCTOR, VOLGUUS ZILDROHAR, THE TRAVELLER HAS COME. CHOOSE AND PERISH.

In all the giggling that Ramis and Aykroyd likely did coming up with a name like that I'd bet they wanted to use more than once. And I'm sure a little continuity was lost over a few beer.

Anonymous said...

>LOUIS (to the horse)
>I am Vinz Clortho. Keymaster of >Gozer: Volguus Zildrohar, Lord of
^^^ >the Sebouillia. Are you the >Gatekeeper?

>SUBCREATURES! GOZER THE GOZERIAN, >GOZER THE DESTRUCTOR, VOLGUUS >ZILDROHAR, THE TRAVELLER HAS >COME. CHOOSE AND PERISH.

fixed that for you. Gozer is the Volguus Zildrohar and Lord of the Seboullia consistently.

TMYK, etc. :)

Christian said...

Yeah, you're totally right. Damn ambiguous punctuation. I'll change it right now. It'll be a shame because the google keyword that most frequently lands people on my blog is "Volguus Zildrohar".