The House Rent Boogie

Recently I joined the ranks of the unemployed. The axe came down, swift and unforeseen. I was looking left and it came from the right.

A combination of lyrics play over and over again in my head from George Thorogood's "1 Bourbon, 1 Scotch and 1 beer" and, it's predecessor, John Lee Hooker's "House Rent Boogie".

I come home last Friday, talk to the woman that I lost my job,
She says don't confront me as long as I have my rent next Friday

Except it was Tuesday. And of course the woman was sweet and supportive, albeit suffering from a required minimal amount of stress.

The first items on one's action list when they get fired are updating the resume, pounding the pavement and hitting up contacts. And yes, I did do some homework on day one, but I also went out for lunch and was playing xbox when the woman came home.

She said "I don't believe you're tryin' to find no job,
I seen you today you was standin' on a corner, Leaning up against a post."
I said "But I'm tired, I've been walkin' all day, I just can't find no job."

Of course what one knows they should do often differs from the first thing they actually do.

So I stop in the local bar you know people,
I go to the bar, I ring my coat, I call the bartender
Said "Look man, come down here!"
He got down there, "So what you want?"

And the rest is foggy lyrical history.

We went high in the air and were able to see a lot of the island. We didn't know there were mountains to the south. Then they slowed down and dipped us, then they reeled us in. Parasailing is awesome.

Yesterday I went all discovery channel in the giant lake. I swam with nurse sharks and mulit-coloured fish. There's a great photo taken of me holding a giant sting ray but it's probably in a Dominican landfill now because it would have cost me $13CAD to acquire it. Dominican landfills, by the way, exist as randomly dispersed piles of garbage by the side of the road.

Today we're going tandem parasailing on the beach. Our flight out is tomorrow but I don't think I'm ready to leave.

We walked along the pristeen beach to a row of shops because we needed some junk to take home, a t-shirt, a painting, a wood carving. It was a nice walk, the sand is as white and soft as icing sugar, the giant lake is brilliant torquoise and blue. Walking into the water while the surf is receding creates a strange effect. The ground races away from you under your feet faster than you can walk so it looks like you're moving backwards but you're walking forwards.

Lindsey's a ruthless haggler. She'll walk into the first shop start dropping the price of a wanted item faster than a loosed coconut from a rotted stem. But he's only the set up man. Once she gets to a decent price she'll leave and take that with her to the next shops where she'll tell them that they now have to beat that price. There's a lot of arguing, turning away, eyelash batting and eventually smiling. She's a killer.

Last night I flashed the old art and put these monkeys to shame. I shut down most of these other Canadians. People were dropping like flies around me. My sweetheart/trooper trucked on with me till about 4 or 5. Some of these pups have probably never yet been kicked around by a 40 I guess.

Wednesday we're going snorkling with sharks and sting rays. Right after I check myself for chum-leaking open wounds.

There are a ton of Canadians here. They just keep busing them in. And there's at least 2 separate groups of about 10 drunk, 20 or 30 something guys that are fueling each other and going vacation crazy. By the poolside they sweep over females like locusts over a crop.

Linz was tired last night so we were back in the room by 10:45. As I was falling asleep around 4 AM and watching the ESPN rerun of 42,000 screaming fans at Skydome nearly cheer their Canadian squad back against the Americans in the top of the ninth in the Classico Mundial de Biesbol, I was serenaded by a mighty drunk and mighty loud chorus of O Canada coming from the bar. I slept like a baby.

Lindsey told me that next time I can´t just watch the cucaracha skitter across the floor, I have to kill it. I didn`t bring a bat though.

And god said let his olive run into and be smothered by his guacamole. And there was a tilt in his plate and it was so. And he ate it and it was good.