The fundamental differences between men and women have been summarized many different ways, rational/emotional, logical/intuitive, douchebag/biotch, etc.
Sometimes we men have to use that logic to prove we're not total douchebags.
For example, in what will ultimately be a doomed attempt to prove that I am not any more of a douchebag than the next douchebag, here is the mathematical equation for figuring out the number of men that look at other women despite being in a relationship. I have it on good authority that these men are called assholes, we'll use that term for the purpose of this equation.
The function (f) of men who look at other women is equal to the amount of assholes divided by the number of men on the planet:
Assholes
(f)men who look = ---------------------------------------
All men on the planet
Given that all men look at other women since it is hard wired into our genetic code as primal seeders (or other metaphysical reasoning), regardless of relationship status, all men in the world must therefore be assholes:
Assholes
(f)men who look = -----------------------------------------
All men on the planet(Assholes)
If we cancel the like terms:
Assholes
(f)men who look = ------------------------------------------
All men on the planet(Assholes)
We find that:
(f)men who look = All men on the planet
It has now become redundant to call men assholes since they all share that common denominator. The term “asshole”, which is synonymous with “man”, is now a useless word. Further, any woman who catches her man wandering his eyes and calls him an asshole in a genuine tone is not aware of this equation.
You can now use this prove to your girlfriend, on a piece of paper, that she doesn't have a leg to stand on (good luck) when she asks you if you need a neck brace. You're welcome, douchebag.
3 comments:
The following comment is not case-specific.
You can't smash the rules of grammar and the rules of mathematical equations together! You used your parentheses grammatically but in doing so, squared the number of men on the planet. Tsk. What's the "asshole" equivalent for a dirty mathematician?
Look, here's the down-low: I look at other women. And, experiments have shown that everyone asses people physically, even nuns, though they deny it. However, more important than whether you look or not is how you make your own woman (or douchebag) feel. True, some women are endless sucking pits of attention that absorb your compliments to no effect and continue to get genuinely pissed off when you look at other women. Those women are crazy. My advice: don't date crazy and pretend it's her fault.
And p.s. Looking or "not," be discrete. It's just common courtesy.
Wow, was my comment so thorough that no others were necessary?
Btw, that's supposed to be "assesses." Talk about a Freudian slip!
Ass looker!
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